Dapo and Cynthia Kolawole (not real names) were almost giving up on their sex life until the latter introduced her husband to other places apart from the bedroom where they could add spark to their intimate sessions.
The duo had been married for three years and had always – like most couples – restricted having sex to the bedroom until about a year ago when Cynthia, 28, told her bank worker husband they needed to explore better ways of spicing up their love life.
During a recent conversation in Lagos with Saturday PUNCH, introverted Dapo narrated how his wife introduced him to the subject of “sex exploration” and how he became a “good student.”
He said, “I never knew my wife is a genius in the subject of sex. You know, I met her in a church and we got married. She was a chorister. I used to look at her as an ‘innocent’ church girl.
“But I’m happy she is real. Now she has opened me up and we both freely talk about sex in the house. Our sex life was monotonous before but now we’ve been having sex at some other places apart from the bedroom. It’s been fun and relaxing.”
According to experts, sex between couples should not be restricted to the bedroom only. At a point, couples are advised to be adventurous, to try out not new styles but also new places where sex can be pleasurable.
A US-based sex and relationship expert, Dr Emily Morse, said when couples expand their sexual experiences by having sex outside the bedroom, it can bring them closer to each other.
She said changing locations for sex removes couples from things in their home that stress them out and get their adrenaline pumping.
Morse also stated that having sex outside the bedroom could help couples get more aroused than usual and get more emotionally connected during the experience and after.
The sex expert said trying a new location was more about having a new thrilling experience than trying to achieve a mind-blowing orgasm.
“The fact is, some women could struggle to reach orgasm because they might not be focused or are limited in the kinds of positions they can do. But that shouldn’t stop them.
“It’s definitely possible to have great sex without an orgasm and the experience will be totally worth it,” she said.
Also, a sex therapist and marriage counsellor in Port Harcourt, Rivers State, Mrs Chinwe Peters, said “bedroom-only” sex could bring boredom to a couple’s sex life, advising partners to always try out other places to have sex.
“Couples can add spark to their sex lives by exploring other places. Some partners don’t explore yet they say sex is not fun. In my experience so far, couples who complain of not having fun intimate sessions are those who don’t explore,” she said.
Another sex and relationship expert, Mr Philip Abiodun, said the only way couples can keep their sex lives lively was to explore and try new styles and places.
According to the experts, below are 10 places where couples can have sex and spice their marriage.
In the backyard
Morse said having sex outdoors could be surprisingly sensual, thanks in part to romantic elements like a starry night or the scent of flowers carried by a light breeze.
“Taking it out of the house and onto a porch swing, picnic blanket, or poolside lounger lets you experience outdoor action without fear of prying eyes – just make sure your neighbours don’t have a view into your yard,” she said. Similarly, couples can have some time together at the balcony, Morse advised.
She said, “If you’re more of an indoor person but still want to experience the thrill of sex outside, look no further than your balcony!
“If you have an enclosed balcony with a bit of room, you can lay out a few blankets and enjoy the fresh air together. Or try leaning against the balcony while your partner gets into position behind you. Enjoy the view, you two.”
On the beach
Of course, sand will get in all the wrong places, but you should try to experience sex on the beach at least once. If you find yourselves alone on a beach, grab a blanket and get busy. There’s nothing like getting it in on under a wide-open sky as the waves crash behind you.
Peters said having sex in the kitchen was one of the best ever for couples seeking to explore. “Hoist yourself up on the kitchen counter or dining table and start ‘cooking.’ You could also lean against the kitchen top or even park yourselves right in front of the fridge,” she said.
The laundry room
Morse said, “It might sound odd at first, but the laundry room is the perfect place to get down and dirty. There’s something about the height of the washing machine and the vibrations of a washer or dryer mid-cycle that make for a super-sexy combination.
“If your heights don’t quite match up, try stepping on a stool to even things out. You can also experiment with sitting or lying on the machine or with your partner sitting on top of it with your legs wrapped around their waist.”
The sex expert added, “Try getting it on during a warm or hot wash for a little extra heat and use the cotton cycle for the longest and fastest spin and most vibration.”
According to Morse, there are many possibilities in the bathroom, from sitting up on the bathroom counter to couples pressing themselves up against the bathroom wall.
She said, “What’s especially hot about bathroom action? The large mirrors that let you take in the view. Of course, there’s sex in the shower: It’s warm, it’s wet and it lets you go wild since the sound of running water drowns out any sounds.
“Try it with you bending over and your partner entering from behind – this works well in the shower because you can anchor your hands on your calves for support.”
Morse added, “Couples can use a silicone-based lube any time they get frisky in the water. Silicone lubes are waterproof – you’ll need to rinse it off afterward with soap and water, but it won’t wash off until you’re done with it.”
Also, couples can get things extra steamy the next time they find themselves alone in the sauna.
Health and sex expert, Ms Ashley Oerman, said, “If you have a sauna at home, this is easy-peasy; if you’re getting it on a gym or health club, it might get a little trickier. Either way, you won’t ever have a sweatier session (just make sure not to overheat).”
On the couch
As you’re scouting for sexual adventure, don’t overlook couches and overstuffed chairs. Comfy and casual, they provide additional back support and the low height (compared with beds) makes a range of positions possible.
Oerman said, “Try straddling their lap, using the soft cushions as a comfortable support for your needs. If the cushions aren’t cooperating, your partner can bounce their knees a bit, sending you up and down with little effort.
“Try holding hands while you bounce so you can lean back farther – this creates an anchoring line that allows for heavier rocking and rolling.”
On the stairs
This is one of the ideal sex spots in your home, Oerman said, “The standing doggy style is recommended on the stairs. The woman should bend over a few steps up from her husband so her private parts are aligned and he can enter you without having to crouch.
“The woman can also have her partner recline on a step and straddle him with her back to his chest. Use the step below for leverage so you can stay steady while thrusting.
“You can also have him reach around for a little extra stimulation. The two of you will never look at stairs the same way again.”